How can I tell my partner about an STI?

There may not be an easy time to talk about sexual history and sexually transmitted infections, but the sooner you do it the better.

Even if you feel a little nervous, remember it's okay, everyone feels like that and it's all part of feeling confident and going over any questions with your partner. It is important to get talking, in the knowledge that you are doing the right thing! After all, you are just trying to have an honest and open conversation.

When you want to discuss an STI, find a time to talk in privacy before things start to get heated. You should emphasise that it's not a conversation about lack of trust or openness. After all it is possible that your partner got an STI from an earlier relationship and has carried it without realising. Also it is not necessarily a sign that you have been cheating.

You can tell your partner that you decided to do some research about STIs and they are surprisingly common. Last year there were 440,000 diagnoses for sexually transmitted infections in England (207,000 of these for chlamydia).

People in the 16-24 years age group are most likely to report at least one new sexual partner in the past year and this age group is the most likely to experience higher rates of STIs. In fact 63% of chlamydia cases, 55% of gonorrhoea cases, 52% of those with genital warts and 42% of genital herpes cases in England fall into this age group.

Sooner the better

Chlamydia is the most common STI in the UK and is easily passed on during sex. Most people don't experience any symptoms at all, so they are unaware they're infected. It is recommended that all sexually-active under-25 year olds should be screened for chlamydia every year and on change of partner.

With trichomoniasis the symptoms usually develop within a month of infection, although up to half of all infected men and women have no symptoms.

The only way to be sure, and to stop the spread of the infection, is to ask. Most STIs are treatable and many are completely curable. The sooner you know, the sooner you can get yourself and your partner treated, and safe.

If you know you have an STI, it is important to tell a new partner before you have any sexual contact with them, including oral sex. If you want, you can recommend a local health centre or other source of health information about how to use protection. Getting tested before you have sex might be a good idea if you are unsure.

Finally, the best way is to be bold and open. In a healthy relationship you should be able to deal with anything. You can just say, "I feel nervous", "isn't it the best way for us to get tested together?" Why take a chance?

If you have a positive STI test, try not to enter the blame game. Don't jump to conclusions. It is not unusual for someone to be positive the first and only time they have sex. The infection does not discriminate between certain types of people. But if you've had sex with other partners since the last time you were tested, you should notify them as well.

If you have the herpes virus, quite a common infection, you will need to talk to your partner about things you can do together to have safer sex over the long term. When you have sex use a condom.

The most important step you can take is to talk to your own doctor, or an online doctor, in confidence. In many cases the doctor can make a prescription without you having to attend a clinic in person.

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